Validation

So today was an awesome day... Big Daddy took M with him to go do his errands... amazing. It was just me and the wee one for most of the day! I love my 3 yo, but man, I needed a break from her bad! The whining, the crying, the but-mommy's... oh man. Makes a girl want to drink.

So with my time of peace I was thinking a lot today. How did I get here? How did I get 2 kids? In California of all places. And I started thinking, man, I'm gonna turn 35 this year. WHOA. That is like hard core official middle age. I remember when I was 25 thinking 35 was old and cremugenly. OR boring at the very least.

I like to think I am not boring, yet. I am pretty tired most of the time and get cranky pretty often. But still wouldn't go to the cremugen category yet.

Then I thought about Sermon this week at church. Jesus goes back to this hometown of Nazareth, drops the bomb that he is God's son, then tells the locals you all are not getting any special treatment just b/c I grew up here, then they want to throw him off a cliff. Then, as my pastor Chris Brown (www.searchablesermons.com) put it, and I am not kidding, exact words, "he pulled the MC Hammer escape. He said, 'Can't touch this' and walked away." And never went back there again. WHAT?

How many times do we look for validation from home? I do all the time. From everyone there. I want them to be proud of me, perhaps a little envious, I'm not gonna lie. And I'm not just talking about family, but friends too, even the guy at the corner store that still recognizes me when I come home once a year.
But do we *need* that? Do we need validation from people back there? It's easy for me to visualize b/c I'm from a place 2400 miles away in Michigan. No, I don't need that. At least, I shouldn't. But that comes from being accountable for my actions and being to stand by them. And know that I have made good decisions along the way. Maybe not right for you or you or you, but right for me. I moved in with my then-boyfriend when I moved to CA. *gasp* Where I'm from it's very conservative and I come from a devout Catholic family to boot. THIS was a NO-NO. And I understand it is in God's eyes too, though at the time I was not close to Him, so honestly, I didn't really care. I'm lucky that it all worked out. We married and we now have 2 beautiful girls. But what if it hadn't? Waaaay tougher. I'm lucky and I know it. Can I say that I knew when I met my husband at a blackjack table he was going to be the one for me. NO. But we both got lucky that night, I guess. HAHA!

As I continue to grow in so many ways, I think about who I need to please and who I need to feel proud of me. God, my husband and myself are about it. I am an adult (believe it or not) and I have to live my life for me and my family. I have to be happy (thankfully I am) and I have to do what keeps me there. Finding outlets, growing my business gives me great accomplishment, raising my children is priceless even though I would like to throw them out the window half of the time.

Jesus won't just hook me up when I need a hand, I have to earn his help. I have to obey his rules and act accordingly in my heart and towards other people. Sometimes these things are not easy. But if we are not willing to take our lumps and do the things that are mildly uncomfortable, then why the heck would Jesus have us? He was a little more than uncomfortable in his life.

After all, if you think about it, by taking those lumps in order to obey God - after it was all said and done, hasn't it always been worth it? If He is the one to always send us down the right path, who else's validation should we need?