Female, poopoo
By first engaging your rectus abdominus with the secondary support of the internal and external obliques, forward flex your trunk at least 90 degrees. Initiate flexion of the glenohumeral joint to 90 degrees and maintain while vocalizing the beckoning signal to appropriate small human. Appropriateness will be apparent by overload of the olfactory sensations, mainly of the fecal realm. Once said small human had responded affirmatively to beckoning, perform horizontal adduction of glenohumeral joint until the mechanical barrier has been reached. Immediately thereafter, fire the biceps tendon complex bilaterally, as well as the wrist flexor tendon group and intrinsic muscles of the palmar region of the hands, bilaterally as well. All this must be on consecutively and smoothly to "catch" the small human in your grasp.
At that time, flex your knees bilaterally and move your right foot forward slightly, to hold the small child firmly to your chest or midsection. While grasping the child, contract the abdominal complex as you concurrently contract both the hamstring complex and the gluteals concentrically to effectively lift the child into the air and stabilize in a carrying position.
Commence locomotion to the appropriate changing area, equipped with fresh diaper of choice, wipes of choice, and butt cream and/or clean lower body garment, if necessary.
Place child supine in changing area. Remove lower body garment and prepare to experience olfactory stimulation unlike anything you ever have previously known. Hold breath if needed.
Note: the following will take place as if the child is laying with her head to your left and feet to the right, perpendicular to your body.
Isolate one lower extremity of the small child, preferably their right ankle, with your left hand, as described above, firing the wrist flexors and palmar musculature. Be sure that your feet are placed minimum 2.5 feet apart with slightly flexed knees, weight evenly distributed between the two extremities.
While grasping aforementioned ankle of child, concurrently externally rotate your left glenohumeral joint while maintaining approximately 45 degrees of flexion, and slightly supinate the forearm if needed. This will flex the hip of the child and perhaps the trunk if executed with enough degree. The trailing leg, in this case the left, should follow along, mirroring the movements. This is the desired outcome. IMPORTANT: MAINTAIN FIRM GRASP OF SMALL HUMAN'S ANKLE AT ALL TIMES OR DISASTER COULD STRIKE.
Place clean diaper under the gluteal region (note, dirty diaper is still in place) with closure strips in closed position.
Replace the right leg back to the changing surface by internally rotating the glenohumeral joint and slightly pronating the forearm. Prepare to unfasten the soiled diaper. Again, hold breath if needed. Have wiping implements ready and prepared for quick use.
Unfasten the soiled diaper and using your right hand, pull back the diaper with your right hand WHILE using your left hand to stabilize the right leg of the child to the changing surface. Flailing around of the child's legs is discouraged at this point.
A common method is to wipe, in an anterior to posterior direction with the clean, front section of the diaper. This is done ONE time only so as to not contaminate the nether regions of the child. As the same time as the wiping motion is taking place, also again lift the right leg of the child with your left hand with an externally rotated, slight supinated motion. Left leg of child should mirror this action. After the primary wiping motion is complete, replace leg down again by inverting the action described above. Quickly obtain secondary wiping implement using peripheral vision while looking directly at the child and smiling and talking so as to distract from the cold, wet shock about to take place.
Place the secondary wipe on the bottom area and wipe again anterior to posterior in one motion. Refrain from repeating, unless done so with a clean wipe. No contamination, you know. And again, as before, the wiping will take place at the same time and pace as the flexing and extending of the small human's right hip and/or trunk, allowing access to the entire nether region.
A common problem that usually occurs at this time, the child starts to "thrash" and "scream" and "kick" her legs. "Bucking" - kicking while lifting the torso off the changing surface - has been reported. This is a dangerous activity. The poopoo must be cleared expeditiously from the bottom area so as to prevent any flinging of the poopoo through the air or possibly allowing it to adhere to the plantar surface of the opposite foot, thereby allowing some transfer to other surfaces or people to occur.
In the event this accessory movement happens, apply distal traction to the lower extremity of the child and return to changing surface as quickly as possible. Verbally attempt to calm the child and attempt to return to starting position. Quickly purview the area to assure that all poopoo has been cleared.
Lift the bum as mentioned above and remove and dispose of soiled diaper. This should reveal a new clean diaper already in position for fastening. NOTE: You should still be maintaining a firm, but not tight, grasp of the right ankle of the small human.
Once soiled diaper is gone, lift the front of the new, clean diaper til the top is near the belly button. At this time only, release the ankle being held by your left hand and quickly move to hold in place the top of the new diaper, with phalanges extended over the abdominal area securely, but not tightly.
Locate lower body garment and replace onto child. Using the grasping technique described earlier, grasp child under arms / around torso. Lift to standing position by flexing concentrically the biceps tendons and anterior deltoid. Once a standing position has been obtained, stabilize the child to your chest/upper body for transport, and lift from changing surface (if using an elevated area).
Contract the abdominal complex for support, flex your knees approximately 60 - 90 degrees by eccentrically contracting the quad complex and concentrically contracting the hamstrings. Additionally, forward flexion of the trunk may be needed to lower small human to the floor.
Release small child back to her natural habitat once in safe range of floor.
Repeat approximately 4-5 more times during waking hours. More may be needed.
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