Stop the emoting already!

You know those days when you hate being a girl?
I'm having one.

I am having emotional reactions to things that don't warrant an emotional reaction!
AND I HATE THIS!!!!!

I'm tired.
I'm lazy.
I feel bloated.
And I just don't wanna....

But I do - I take Mags to school, go deliver some goods, go to the grocery store, lock baby and groceries in the car, call AAA, they save baby, go home, unload/put away groceries, discover I forgot 1 thing I NEED, go back to store quicklike, go pick up Mags, go home, make a cake, clean kitchen, take 5 min to empty my brain onto this computer (sorry whomever reads this), and now I will pound some chicken breasts for cordon bleu, call my MIL and invite her to dinner (since it's her son's b'day), get ready for return of kids, go to store, buy gift, come home, wrap gift, make dinner, do laundry, get ready for my mother to arrive tomorrow, fall in bed and cry.
When will I do my Shred, you ask?  Who knows, I may need to double up tomorrow or something... it's life people, it happens. 

And I wanna have a whole bunch of other things.
But I don't wanna work for them.
Basically, I just want to be someone else.
Someone I know, but don't know, know what I mean?
That person you see and you're all "I wanna be like her".
Yes, I'm 35 and I will have these thoughts.
Am I secure in myself?  No.
Am I me?  No.  Because I don't know who 'me' is half the time.
It's like looking at a 15 yr old thinking, "man, she has so much potential"... but I am just looking in the mirror.

One of these days, I will get it figured out.
Until then, I will revel in mommyhood and I will carve out a place for myself, scoop by scoop, brick by brick.

This may be b/c a period of time is coming when I have to pretend to not be me.  And I don't really like all that.  But survival is survival, and I can do because I'm awesome!
(you like that self talk, don't you?)