Start your morning with a loaf (not of bread)

*WARNING* This post contains information regarding normal human processes.  Read at your own risk.  It's kinda gross.

These kids are lucky I'm in a good mood. 

It's Monday.  And even though it's Monday, I still feel a bit rejuvenated.

Perhaps it was evening church service last night.  Since it was the evening, the kids came home, bathed and went quickly to bed allowing me time to actually *think* about the message. 

Perhaps it's the fact that I managed to get out of bed (and jack Big Daddy out of the first shower, a minor victory) and get showered and dressed. AND my coffee was already ready b/c I set it up the night before.  So by 7 AM, I am rolling.  I'm proud of myself for this.

Then the obligatory breakfast for 3 children, clean up, going over the to-do list for today, so on and so forth.  By this time, it's about 8:30 or so and I decide to sit in the kitchen and satiate my need for social media.  The olders are playing nicely (odd) and the younger is behaving, mostly. 

It's quiet.  And you moms know, this can't always be good.  But I roll with it b/c I just don't care.  I need social media, and coffee.

Eventually, I decide I had better intervene.  I think the hairs in the back of my neck were starting to stand up alerting me to impending disaster.

I go to the back bedroom and find the kiddos in there. 
Door closed, not necessarily a bad sign.

I open it, "Hey guys!" I cheerily greet them.

I look around the corner into the bathroom and I see C on the toilet... OK.
"Hey, you going potty, buddy?" 

Before he can answer, I glance down and there it is... [insert sound of disaster here].

A giant turd.  [enter Psycho music here and me wanting to gasp in horror, but I don't]

Sidebar: I have girls.  Apparently, we have skinny, demure poo.  This boy child - huge, adult size loafs. 

"WHOA!  What is that?!" I exclaim.  "C?  Did you poo on the floor?!" 

"Yeah.  I missed."

What the bloody hell is going on? 
Again, LUCKILY, I am in a good mood this morning. 

"I need some privacy," he tells me.
"No problem!" I tell him and usher Mags out of the room and am still keeping JJ away from the obvious, disgusting biohazard in the middle of the bathroom floor.
I leave him to finish his business - turd(s) on the floor and all.

A couple minutes later, I come back in and peek around the corner as before, a little more cautiously this time, and he is done.
Now, his mom has taught him to "assume the position" for wiping...
Please allow me to laugh my ass off here for a minute!  BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

C has gotten down off the potty, closed the top and is standing half bent over the can with his hands on the lid, pantless.  He sees me come in, and in the sweetest, cutest, most innocent voice, gently smiles and sings, "I'm doooone."  It made me smile.  Then, I sniffed the air and looked down and was reminded of the giant ball (and 2 smaller pebbles) of poo on the floor that I had to clean up, and since this is not my child, was grossed out, again. 

Wipe wipe.  Job done.  I pick up the loaf on the floor and the couple stray ones on the side and flush and move on. 

I have to tell you, after the wiping, C recounts what happened to me.

"I was playing.  And I had to go poo-poo.  And I came in here.  But it started coming out and went in my pants.  And I pulled my pants down.  And it fell out on the floor.  And then I sat on the potty.  I didn't make it."

Fantastic.
This is is C.  He's lucky I'm in a good mood today. 
I feel like this is payback for Mags doing her business while Big Daddy was still home and he did the wiping detail for me.  At the time, I was all, sweet! I got out of that one!

Little did I know.

PS - I REALLY wanted to take pics.  But figured I would be the only one that would think it was funny.  So I didn't.  I regret this now.