The inner battle

Wow - a week and a half - where does the time go?

Been doing a lot.
Went away for 2.5 days to Palm Springs - heaven. Stayed at a decent, quiet hotel and treated myself to some spa action. Spent lots of time alone and quiet and watched Dexter on my laptop from the comfort of my solitude. Ahhh. Just what the doctor ordered. Only needed a couple more days and I would have been 100%. I left at about 85% so I count that as a victory since I arrived at about 35%.

I feel like everyday has been busy.
Tues and Today Maggie had school. Wednesday we went down to the Zoo, awesome but packed - and with 3 other moms and 6 other kiddos, it was busy keeping track of everyone.
Monday was chore day.
Tomorrow going to watch Alex for a bit and maybe Evan too.
Jim leaves tomorrow for fishing in Mexico all weekend (joy) and I really hope he brings back some good fish. Or the trip will be for naught in my book.

I have to get back in the groove. I need my business to flow. But I am stuck.
I am scared. I'm not sure what of, but I'm scared.
It's hard. I feel like I can't really afford a babysitter so how and I sposed to have appts?
I want to be big - but how do I get there.
Why don't people EVER call me back? Ever??
Is there something about me? Do I not sound friendly enough or enthusiastic enough?

Inspire myself.
How?
Believe in myself.
How?
Be confident.
Again, how?

Self confidence comes from within.
You have to self talk yourself into positive self talk.
But if your history lends itself to negative self talk, how would one overcome such bad self talk to get to the good self talk?
Do you tell your negative self talk to take a hike and there's a new sheriff in town named Positive self talk?
Does this sound a little schizophrenic to anyone else?
And why does my inner voice sound like Michael C Hall?

It goes back to going a little crazy inside b/c I have no outlets.
I am discouraged b/c I expect awesome things to happen at each appt and they rarely do.
Where is this awesome success I hear about and even see with some other consultants?
Am I not qualified?
Am I not skilled enough?
Am I the loser I feel like I am?
Am I the loser I'm scare that I really am but don't want to admit to which makes me even more of a loser?

One of these days it will all make sense.
Give it a chance, give it a break.
Roll with it.
Blah Blah Blah
I don't believe a word I'm writing.

But what else can you do, you have to move fwd right?
This I do believe.
Now, how?